How to Think Biblically~Martha Peace

How to Think Biblically, A Seminar for Ladies
By Martha Peace

Audio link:
http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=123101234203

PDF:

http://media.sermonaudio.com/mediapdf/123101234203.pdf

What to do in Cases of Abuse or Emotional Turmoil

"When I teach women to win their husbands without a word as the Bible commands, I am not saying to not confront them with their sin or that a woman should take abuse. There are many women who don't even believe I should be teaching that a wife should be submissive to her husband for fear of abuse by the husband or they want me to change the word submission to a more palatable word.

Many times when I write about submission, abuse will come up in the comment section. I don't think many of these comments are valid and honest comments; the commenters just want to get the readers off track to what I am teaching and say abuse always happens when a wife submits. NOT SO!!! I have seen and heard of too many marriages completely turn around when a wife learns what submission is and what it looks like. 

Anyways, to clear the air on my thoughts about abuse,Cabinetman responded to one of these discussions going on about abuse and wrote up a great post giving clear guidelines for any wife that is being physically abused or is even emotionally distraught over her marriage ~

1. Get someone else involved: Pastor, elders, etc. There are times when a man is not well mentally and/or spiritually where help is needed. It's okay to seek that help when a husband is not in his right mind or spirit and is very far down that road. There are times where disobedience to anyone who is not Jesus Christ may be necessary if the circumstances call for it.

2. If you are scared for your children or yourself, you need to leave and separate for awhile. Separation doesn't necessarily {hopefully} mean divorce. Understand that if he is truly abusive this can be a dangerous time and this needs to be done carefully and with wisdom. You need to have a plan and execute it quickly and quietly. If you do not know what I am speaking about please research this before you take that step {carefully research}. 

3. Walk your husband through the steps in Matthew 18. I applaud you for seeking to win your husband without a word. I understand that some human hearts are very hard and this can take years and even decades. Men need to deal with their sin and be brought to repentance This can still be done in a respectful way and done in love ~ although it may seem harsh at the time. There are times when a husband who is to lead his family and actions might seem unloving or harsh for a period of time when circumstances or sin pops up. But a husband's primary responsibility is to love his wife sacrificially and serve her and when she is trying to respect him, that should be the overwhelming response she is getting from him. If it is not, he is in serious sin.

4. If there is physical abuse, it is not only okay to involve law enforcement, but often necessary to involve law enforcement.

I hear day and night of "verbal abuse" from women when it clearly is not. There are also always two sides to every story. But, if there is something seriously wrong with your husband and in your marriage relationship, you need to seek help. The best healing and medicine for that is Jesus Christ and obedience to His Word. I'm a big believer in marriage that lasts forever and honors God and in the roles the Lord lays out in scripture. But scripture has more to it than those verses on marriage and a wife winning her husband, however powerfully, true and life giving they are.

Continue to pray for the man. But sometimes the best way we can respect and love someone is to call them on their sin and force them to deal with it- whether man or woman."

My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

James 5:19,20

http://www.lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/10/what-to-do-in-cases-of-abuse-or.html

Overcoming Your Doubts~Hannah Whitall Smith

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding"

~ Proverbs 3:5

Do not give heed to your doubts for a moment. Turn from them with horror, as you would from blasphemy, for they are blasphemy. You cannot perhaps hinder the suggestions of doubt from coming to you any more than you can hinder the boys in the street from swearing as you go by; and consequently you are not sinning in the one case any more than in the other. But just as you can refuse to listen to the boys or join in their oaths, so can you also refuse to listen to the doubts or join in with them. They are not your doubts until you consent to them and adopt them as true.

Put your will in this matter over on the Lord's side, and trust Him to keep you from falling. Tell Him all about your utter weakness and your long-encouraged habits of doubt, and how helpless you are before it, and commit the whole battle to Him. Believe He is faithful, not because you feel it, or see it, but because He says He is. Believe it, whether you feel it or not. Cultivate a continuous habit of believing, and never let your faith waver for any [reason], however plausible it may be. The result will be that sooner or later you will come to know that it is true, and all doubts will vanish in the blaze of the glory of the absolute faithfulness of God!

THE GRACE CHALLENGE: GRACE IN YOUR MARRIAGE

This is from a sister's blog that is one of my favorites. May we all take this to heart. I know for myself, it is all too easy to see the speck in my husband's eye and bump smack into a wall because of the plank in my own. I'm praying that I along with all my sisters who love the Lord will save our husbands grief and stop doing this, while we save ourselves some really banged up noses and black eyes from all that plank smacking. <3~BIHP

One would think that a gracious woman would be the kind of person to write a series called, The Grace Challenge, right?  Yeah, I’d think that, too, but, instead you get me.  Quite frankly, I’m the last person on earth that should be writing this series because I don’t feel qualified to do so!  I know me, and I know I’m not gracious enough because sin abounds in this heart of mine.

My husband asked me a few weeks back what project I was working on for the blog, so I told him about this series.  Initially, he thought I was collaborating with other bloggers on this project because he didn’t understand why I was doing this.  I told him this series was something I was doing on my own for the next several weeks, and then he asked me why.

My response:  God was nudging me to write it.  Then I proceeded to tell my husband that I’m not capable of writing this series because I don’t feel like I extend enough grace toward others and that God should have chosen a different woman to write this series- you know, one who is gracious. 

I love my husband’s response.  “It wouldn’t be called a ‘challenge’ if grace was easy for you to extend.”

Point well taken.

So, friend of mine, I’ll be challenged with you in this series which means we’ll both be convicted together.  When the Holy Spirit convicts us and we chose to surrender our ways for the Lord’s ways, then transformation takes place within our hearts.  This transformation process causes us to be changed women.  Gracious women.  Women who reflect their Savior.  That sounds like a wonderful pursuit, doesn’t it?  Sure, it will hurt our flesh because we’ll have to die to ourselves, but the by-product is absolutely glorious.

In last week’s post I wrote about The 7 Truths You Need to Know About God’s Grace.  If you haven’t read it yet, please do so because it’s the foundation this series is built on.

We can’t call ourselves Christ-followers if we’re not gracious.  Every person falls short of perfection and we see each others shortcomings and failures most in a marriage, after all, we’re married to a sinner.  Because of this truth, don’t you think we should be most gracious to our husbands?   Our men live with us on a daily basis, therefore, they see our failures and shortcomings, too.

The longer you’ve been married, I’m sure you’ve experienced any number of the following…

• Disappointments?
• Trials?
• Bad choices made?
• Grudges held?
• Disrespect?
• Bitterness taking root?
• Walls that have been built?
• Complacency?
• Or dare I say, a marriage devoid of marital intimacy?

A great marriage takes work and an abundance of grace. Grace is what sets our marriages apart from the world’s type of marriage.

God meant for the union of marriage to be a good thing but some times we don’t know how to handle the strains and pressures of life.  When the disappointments, storms, and even the mundane sweep through our homes, sometimes we just don’t know what to do.  Our human nature is to place blame and lash out and this attitude is generally dished out to our husbands.  But this is not how God wants it.

The crux of the Gospel message is Grace, therefore, let’s follow that example so we can change our ways.

Grace is for the sinner, the one who messes up and falls short.  This describes every person I know. 

Jesus doesn’t ask us to be perfect, He asks us to follow Him.  There’s a difference between pursuing Him and perfection.

Which standard do you hold your husband to?

Which standard would you like him to hold you to?

There have been times in my marriage where I’ve held my husband to a higher standard than what I’ve held myself to, therefore, I acted like a hypocrite.

There’s no room for hypocrisy to be a part of our marital union.  The minute we allow, accept, and embrace this sin into our marriage, we might as well just open up our front door and invite the Enemy in for tea and crumpets.

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?  “Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye?  “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.  Matt. 7:3-5

 CHALLENGE:

Be the kind of wife who chooses grace over hypocrisy.

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9(NLT)

Note:  You might not know when to extend God’s grace and when to set a boundary in your marriage, so I’ve written this section to help you discern a few things.

Grace and Truth

Grace is extended when the heart attitude of a person is repentant.  For example, Jesus knew the heart of the woman who was caught in the act of adultery and then He said to her, “Go and sin no more.”  John 8:11 He was gracious to this woman as He offered her grace for her actions.

Jesus also knew the motives of the Pharisees.  He knew their hearts were hardened towards Him and because of this, He didn’t extend them grace for their actions and attitudes.

If you’re married to a man who is living a life of habitual, unrepentant sin, read this post for more guidance.

If you’re growing weary because you’re living in a difficult marriage,  read this post.

 “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  John 8:7

Join me every Wednesday as I go through the Grace Challenge series!

http://joleneengle.com/grace-challenge-grace-marriage/

Finding Happiness in Your Husband

She tells me she is "so unhappy" and tells me she wonders why she ever married her husband. I explain to her, "You will never find your happiness in a man. Let me repeat myself. You will NEVER find happiness in a man." If you marry a man to be happy, you will be disappointed. He will disappoint you. He will never be able to live up to your expectations. NEVER.

Your happiness in marriage is not important to the Lord. Your obedience is what matters to Him. He commands that you be a vow keeper. He commands that you LOVE your husband, please him, serve him, obey him, and submit to him. Your happiness is NOT what matters to the Lord. Spreading the Gospel is what He cares about.

When you are loving and serving your husband, the world notices. If your husband isn't "Mr. Perfect" and you still love and serve him, the world wonders why you stay with him, but they will respect you. As you live with your husband in a joyful way, regardless of the circumstances, the world will see Jesus.

The world needs to see Jesus. The world is lost and floundering in the dark. They need lights that live out the Christian life. They need to see wives loving their husbands through good times and bad times, through sickness and health, though rich or poor. They need models of Christ's power working through His people or else how will the world see Jesus?

Yes, you may not have any more "feelings" for your husband. So what? Feelings come and go for everyone. Love is a decision. It is a commitment. It is a "death until we part" vow. Yes, it's hard but the narrow road isn't called "narrow" for no reason. It's a lot easier to jump on that worldly broad path that leads to destruction than to stay on the narrow road of God's Truth BUT along this narrow road is Life, abundant and free.

Sure it's hard to smile at your husband when he acts like a jerk, but I bet you act like one at times also. Even if you don't, we should still smile and love for love forgives easily and is not easily offended. {Meditate on I Corinthians 13}

If you are having a hard time in your marriage, go on long walks {take the children if you have them} and get in the fresh air and sunshine. Stop eating sugar. It causes depression and lots of other bad things. Fill your home with God-honoring music and solid Bible believing sermons. Spend time in the Word and read it to your children. Stop watching trash television and movies. In this way, you are sanctifying your family with Jesus.

You can stay married to this man all the days of your life for with God ALL things are possible. Love him, even when he is unlovable. Respect him, even when he is not worthy of respect for this pleases God and when you live to please God, you will reap beautiful fruit.

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking

 but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Romans 14:7

Reblogged from Always Learning:

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/10/finding-happiness-in-your-husband.html

How a Godly Wife Should Live.....

Jesus Christ has set us free! The world says that freedom is the right to do what we want. But the freedom we have in Christ is the power to do God’s will. We have the power to choose not to sin when His Spirit is flooding our souls.
The only power we lose when we obey God and fully submit to Him as Lord is the power to destroy our marriages, ourselves, our husbands and children and others.
We gain the power of heaven to breathe life, healing, blessing, joy, peace, faith, kindness and goodness into our families.

GALATIANS 5:13-18
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

SOME CHARACTERISTICS OF GODLY FEMININITY THAT GOD WILL CULTIVATE IN A WOMAN MORE AND MORE AS SHE ABIDES IN CHRIST AND HIS WORD ABIDES IN HER (these are all very brief descriptions):

AS A WIFE
She is a helper to her husband. (Genesis 2:18)

She brings all of herself – her personality, her talents, her gifts, her intellect, her emotions, her ideas, her desires, her vulnerability to her marriage. She cleaves to her husband. (Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 31, Song of Songs)

She is authentic – but she is not her old sinful self anymore. Some wives say, “I want to be free to by myself in my marriage,” but what they mean is, they want to be free to be their sinful selves. That is always a destructive choice. A godly wife has the power and ability to be her new self in Christ. She lost the destructive power of her sinful nature because her sinful nature died with Christ and was buried and now she counts herself dead to sin and alive to God in Christ. (Romans 6-8)

She respects her husband genuinely and finds the good in him to appreciate (because of her character and the Spirit of God filling her soul – not because he always “deserves” it) and she honors her husband’s God-given leadership, allowing him to make the final call if there is a disagreement and trusting God to lead her through her husband even when she doesn’t understand and can’t see how it will work out “for good” from her current perspective. When he asks her for something, she makes it a priority to try to do what he has asked of her with a godly attitude. (Ephesians 5:22-23, 33, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:3-5, I Corinthians 11:3 

She does good to her husband all the days of her life, not evil. (Proverbs 31)

—–
She is open and receptive to her husband. (Song of Solomon)

She studies to understand her particular husband, what speaks respect to him, his needs and the things that most bless him. (Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5:22-33, I Peter 3:1-6)

She assumes the best about her husband, not the worst. (I Corinthians 13:7)

She is loyal to her husband and doesn’t badmouth him to others. She never bashes him to their children, extended family, coworkers, church members, friends or on social media. (Ephesians 5:22, Proverbs 31, Ephesians 4:29-30)

She deals with any sin in her life before approaching her husband about sin in his life. (Matthew 7:1-5)

—–
She is affectionate with her husband. (Titus 2:3-5)

Her presence, attitude and respect for God and her husband speak much more loudly to her husband about her faith than any words she could ever say. (I Peter 3:1-2)

She has a gentle, peaceful spirit that does what is right and does not give way to fear that is of great worth in God’s sight. (I Peter 3:1-6)

She comes to her husband humbly, gently and respectfully with his sin privately first, and only if he won’t repent, does she involve a godly male mentor/pastor to help them if there are serious problems. She does not smear him to family and friends or ream him out on Facebook. (Matthew 18:15-17) 

She seeks godly, biblical help if there are very serious issues in her marriage, but she rejects ungodly and unscriptural counsel and seeks God and His Word and His Spirit above all else. (Matthew 18:15-17)

—–
She depends on the wisdom and power of God to know how to respond to her husband’s sin and she is sensitive to God’s Spirit and responsive to what He leads her to do in a given situation. (Isaiah 30:21) 

If her husband is an unbeliever, she shows the power and love of God to him without words but by her respectful attitude and by honoring his leadership. (I Peter 3:1-2)

Her husband feels safe with her spiritually, emotionally, sexually, physically and in every way – and he knows he can always trust her. She is never violent toward him. She doesn’t yell, scream, cuss or make threats. She is not scary, intimidating or threatening. She does not bully him. (Proverbs 31:11)

She is her husband’s crown. (Proverbs 12:4)

She learns to speak her husband’s language and to become fluent in his way of relating and speaking and learns to interpret him accurately and to understand his heart with compassion. She seeks to see him with God’s eyes and love him with God’s love. She wants to treat God’s beloved son well. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

—–
Her focus is on Christ not self. She has no insecurity – because she trust in God not self or worldly things. Her security is based on heavenly realities and truths and the promises of God in His Word. (Romans 6-8)

She doesn’t have to argue – she has way more powerful methods of communication at her disposal than arguing, nagging, criticizing, complaining, condemning or humiliating her husband. She knows exactly how ineffective and destructive and sinful those things are and they do not even tempt her. She knows how to use her power and influence for good, how to share in a respectful way and how to submit to Christ and to her husband even if they lead her in a way she did not anticipate.
She does not submit to her husband if he clearly asks her to sin (according to the word). She submits first to Christ.
She doesn’t try to control or change her husband, but seeks to bless him. (Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5:22-33)

She builds her marriage and family up and does not use her words, attitudes and actions to hurt or harm anyone. (Proverbs 14:1)

—–
She appreciates and values her husband’s headship, covering and protection over her. (I Corinthians 11:3)

She joyfully gives herself sexually to her husband whenever possible and seeks to meet his sexual needs (even if they are greater or less than her own biological desires at the time). (I Corinthians 7:1-5)

She honors her sacred marriage covenant and does not threaten to divorceor seek divorce. (Matthew 19, Malachi 2)

She trusts God’s Spirit to work in her husband’s heart to draw him to Himself and does not attempt to verbally drag her husband or force him to God, she knows her words are not the most important or effective tool. (I Peter 3:1-2)

She values and appreciates her husband’s masculinity. She sees and admires the good things about her husband’s manhood and supports him being a man, she doesn’t try to make him be more feminine or think more like herself. She marvels at his strengths and protects his weaknesses. (Song of Songs, Proverbs 31)

—–
She is comfortable in her own skin and feels beautiful even if she doesn’t meet the world’s current definition of beauty. (Song of Songs 1)

She enjoys being attractive for her husband in a healthy way. (Song of Songs and Proverbs 5:19)
She smiles often. She is a delight for her husband to be around. Her beautiful attitude, contentment and joy in Christ draw him to her. She is not needy, clingy and desperate for his attention. (Philippians 4:4-8)

She is glad to talk with her husband about things that interest him. She loves to learn about his masculine world and perspective. She rejoices in his uniqueness and his masculinity and does not shame him for being different from her. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

She is ready for adventure with God and with her husband (Exodus – a picture of God leading His bride through the desert to the Promised Land)

—–
She is willing to wear a hat/scarf as a tangible symbol of her willingness to honor her husband’s God-given leadership at church/during prayer. (I Corinthians 11:3-16)

She supports his leadership even when she doesn’t agree. She shares her heart, concerns and needs respectfully, then trusts God to lead her through her husband.
She brings her husband comfort. (Genesis 24:67)

She brings beauty to her home and to relationships. (Genesis 2, Song of Songs, Acts 9:36-39)

She desires to make her husband look good that he might receive honor from others. (Proverbs 31)

She doesn’t look down on her husband (or anyone) but humbly acknowledges that the ground is level at the foot of the cross. There is no room for her to boast or brag in anything except for Christ and what He has done for her. (James 2, 1 Peter 5:5, Proverbs 22:4, Philippians 2:1-11, Ephesians 2:8-10)

She is not abusive in any way – physically, sexually, verbally, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc… (1 John 4:20-21)

AS A MOTHER
She values, cherishes and nurtures any babies or children that she has before and after birth. (Isaiah 49:15)

She seeks to train and teach her children to know and love God and His Word. (Deuteronomy 6)

She loves them with the very love of God. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

She desires to be a godly example to them. (Deuteronomy 6, Titus 2:3-5, Malachi 2)

She does not put her children above her husband or above God. (Genesis 22, Matthew 10:37-39, Luke 14:25-34) 

She is affectionate (Titus 2:3-5)

She extends the truth, mercy, grace, love and forgiveness of Christ to her children. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

IN HER WALK WITH CHRIST
She holds nothing back from Christ. She knows He gave ALL of Himself for her, and now she delights in giving ALL of herself for Him. There is nothing she wouldn’t do for Jesus. He is her LORD. He is her Master. She is willing to deny self and sacrifice anything in this world for Him. (Luke 14:25-34, Matthew 10:37-39, Genesis 22) 

She hungers deeply for God, His Word, His presence, His Spirit, His will, His wisdom and His power in her life and the lives of those around her. She has a very healthy spiritual appetite. (Matthew 6:33, Matthew 5:6)

She does not merely read the Word, she listens, prays diligently to understand properly and applies it to her life – allowing God to transform her priorities, her heart, her soul, her words, her desires, her behavior and her attitudes. (James 2)

She fills her mind, heart and mouth with the praises of God. (Exodus 15:2, almost the whole book of Psalm and many other places as well)

She desires “to live a life worthy of the calling (she has) received (and to) Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:1-2)

—–
Her heart is soft, responsive and malleable in the hands of God, she does not have a hard heart against God and His Word or against others. (Ephesians 4:18, Hebrews 4:7)

She “(puts) off (her) old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of (her) mind; and (puts) on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:22-24)

She is open, receptive and tender hearted toward God. (Hebrews 3:15)

She has a sense of wonder about all that God has made and has done and will do. She is in total awe of Him. (Mark 9:15, Acts 3:10, Luke 7:16)

She is submissive first to Christ (James 4:7) and she practices biblical submission by honoring her husband’s God-given leadership (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:5, I Corinthians 11:3-16) so that the Word of God is not maligned (blasphemed).

—–
She leans on God’s wisdom, truth and understanding and does not trust her own human wisdom. (Proverbs 3:5)

She desires to live a holy life and to bring great glory to God. (I Peter 1:16)

When she sees sin in her life, she does not become depressed and withdrawn and paralyzed with worldly sorrow that leads to death, but has godly sorrow over her sin, mourning over her sin, rejecting her sin and turning to Christ in true repentance, longing to walk in obedience to Him in everything. (2 Corinthians 7:8-11, I John 1:9)

She is not overcome by fear, worry or anxiety, but has a Spirit of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

She prays fervently and continually – in a spirit of godly power, not a spirit of worry, anxiety or fear. (I Thessalonians 5:17, Philippians 4:4-7, Romans 12:12, Romans 15:30)

—–
She makes time daily whenever remotely possible to spend in deep prayer and study of God’s Word, asking Him to change her and make her more and more like Christ. (John 15)

She prays for her husband and others – not to tell God what to do or make demands – but to seek God’s will and His blessing for them and to seek God’s best for those she loves. She prays with godly motives, not selfish, greedy, condemning, self-righteous, prideful, malicious or vengeful motives – but with the love and power of Christ. (1 Timothy 2:1-5, James 4:1-10)

She knows that she is more than a conqueror through Christ. (Romans 8:37)

She knows that nothing can separate her from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:35-39)

She savors and enjoys her blessings, her life and her Lord. In fact, she rejoices in Him always! (Philippians 4:4-8)

She is able to be at peace because she understands and trusts in the sovereignty, love and power of God to work all things for her good because she loves Him and is called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28-29)

She prays the promises of God into reality by her unwavering faith in Him and His Spirit working powerfully in her. (Daniel 9:4)

ENCOURAGEMENT:

God will develop these qualities more and more in us as He sanctifies us and grows Christ more and more in our hearts, minds and souls. This is a life-long process. It is not about us trying harder to be “perfect.” On our own, we are a branch that has been cut off from the Vine and we are laying on the ground. We cannot do ANYTHING unless we are attached to Jesus – the Vine – and His nourishing truth and Spirit flood our souls. THEN we will be fruitful in His kingdom. We cannot be perfect until we reach heaven. That is ok. But our God is so strong that He is able to empower us and to give us victory in sin and the power to walk in holiness as we abide in Him. This is all about us being in an intimate relationship with Christ and allowing His power to flow full blast through us and transform us according to His will for His greatest glory!

John 15:1-17

Excerpted from: 

http://peacefulwife.com/2014/10/07/what-is-godly-femininity-part-2/

Victim Card in Marriage!

If I was talking about someone and used the phrase, “she knows how to play the victim card” – can you get a mental image of the type of person I am talking about?

The other day, I was talking with a friend who was explaining why she was upset with her husband and she used the phrase, “I feel justified in my behavior.” While my advice to her was that no matter how she feels, nothing justifies her behavior, I couldn’t help but personalize the situation. Even though I don’t like to admit it, I can easily make excuses regarding my behavior towards my husband and subconsciously “play the victim card” in my marriage.

Examples might be when my husband works more than I want him to and he comes home not to smiling wife, but a wife who is cranky. Victim Card. Or when my husband wants some time to himself and so he is home, but isn’t helping with the children and begin to think, “when will it be my turn to go have some personal time?” Victim Card. If my husband hasn’t been as romantic as I would have liked I can make a snide comment and blame it on “an empty love tank.” Victim Card. When I make harsh statements, lose my patience, describe something as “always” or “never,” or roll my eyes. Victim Card. When I begin keeping score (I changed 6 dirty diapers today and he only changed 4). Victim Card.

The above examples have been (sadly) personal towards me, but think about the typical “nagging” wife that is often portrayed. Even if she has a genuine reason to be upset: the nagging, whining, name calling, finger pointing, & tit for tat attitude is a perfect example of a wife feeling justified in her behavior.

I don’t think many of us would admit we were playing the victim card and most of us probably don’t even realize we are doing it, but as I look back over my marriage, I can see how I felt justified in not watching my words or tone when speaking with my husband when in reality there was no justification for my behavior.

It isn’t about what our husbands do or don’t do. It isn’t about how much they help out or don’t help out. It isn’t about their attitudes or actions. It is about us. We are the only people in control of our behavior and if we allow ourselves to respond to a situation with the victim card (even though we feel 100% justified in doing so) then we have not helped the situation, but rather, we have created another problem.The Bible tells us that a soft answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1), blessed are the peacemakers (Matthew 5:9), to think of others more highly than yourself (Philippians 2:3), be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19), and that it is better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and ill tempered wife (Proverbs 21:9).

 
When we justify our behaviors, attitudes, and emotions based on those of our husbands then we are no longer living in the Spirit, but in the flesh. We are putting unnecessary pressure on our husbands to be our moral compass when in reality, no matter what they do, our response is solely up to us.

To be sure, this doesn’t mean that we can’t speak the truth in love to our husband or seek outside help when it is needed. Our job is to make sure that our response is seasoned with grace and covered in prayer. If we are Christian wives, then regardless of the attitudes and actions of our husbands, we need to always be demonstrating love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control (Galatians 5:22-23). We can’t do this in our own strength, but rather this response will only become natural through spending time in prayer, in the Word, and relying on the Holy Spirit for strength and not our own flesh or circumstances.

There is no doubt that there will be times when our husband will frustrate us, anger us, and say things that hurt our feelings, but we can’t let our frustration, anger, and hurt feelings excuse any retaliation of words, attitudes, or actions!

http://darbydugger.com/victim-card-in-marriage/

A Wife's Submission to Her Husband

Ephesians 5
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

****************

33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Submission to Your Husband?! Sisters, it is often asked, should a wife submit to her husband? If she wishes to follow scripture the answer is a resounding yes. The scripture is EXTREMELY clear on this point. You can follow it or not. If you are a new Christian and were unaware of the verses regarding submission, I can imagine they might be a shock to you. However, I think even some of us who have been Christian a long time still are in shock. Many Christian ladies hate or are embarrassed by these scriptures. They are proud of their faith, but don’t want others to think they are “mindless”. They will find any excuse to not obey. If you are trying to pass it off as a “cultural” requirement, do you realize you are ignoring a command of God? Either you believe the Bible is the inerrant word of God or you don’t. If you do, shouldn’t you obey it?!
Yes, I admit I sound harsh here. Sisters, so many of us struggle with this issue. I would like to cover in more detail some of the reasons why.

The World
Romans 12: 2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.One of the first questions we ask ourselves is what will the everyone think? Society would think us foolish if we openly did so. As Christians we must grasp that we are NOT to be lovers of the world. We should not care what people think. We should only care what God thinks about how we live our lives.
Even those that have established that submission is required still seem to have issues with it. I have read many, many articles on this topic. Both in my journey to understanding that I needed to obey my husband, but also in the years since. They make statements like “I submit, but I am still an equal”. They make long elaborate articles on why they aren’t mindless. They state how to be submissive, but not be a doormat. They say it takes a strong woman to submit. They argue how they submit, but are not inferior. They may even say we should submit to each other.
What do these statements sound like? Ladies, they sound like 'the world' talking. They are crafted as not to offend and try to convince this world that submission isn’t what they think it is. They want it to be seen in a different softer light. They want respect.
Here is a scriptural fact though. The world will not love you, understand you, nor respect you. Why do you spin your wheels trying to get that accomplished? It isn’t going to happen unless you compromise the very word of God?! Stop trying to make the command to submission look “soft”. It is what it is. Yes it is patriarchal! Yes it is male dominant! So what?!
If that is the way God wants it I am okay with that. I love God and I trust that He knows best. If the world calls me a doormat for that, so be it.
The comment that it “takes a strong woman to submit”. Again, this is catering to the world. The Bible directly says that the woman is the WEAKER vessel. We have to accept that for what it is. We are who God made us to be, accept it with grace. Do not let your pride be your downfall.
John 17:14 I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

But I can’t obey MY husband

I think a major issue of fear is that many women don’t trust their husbands. They think he will never step up and be a good leader. Almost the first thing that comes up with this topic is “what if he asks me to sin?”.
Let us not trouble ourselves with foolish and endless lists of “what if” questions. Simply trust God to guide your life. Trust your husband to lead. Most of the time you have to give that trust, before anything will start to happen. Likely you might even have years ahead of your before your husband feels you are able to really accept his leadership. You can’t correct in one day, a relationship of many years. You do have to start somewhere though.
How the husband treats the wife is often made into a condition of submission. Sisters point out the passage on the requirement that a husband is to love us as Christ loved the church. They may accuse that this part is often the “forgotten” portion. Then they go into great detail of how they feel the husband should treat them. Some even argue that if the husband isn’t living right, that they don’t have to obey.

Don't Teach Him How to Do His Job
I Timothy 2: 12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
The Bible says we are to submit to our husbands in EVERYTHING as UNTO THE LORD. It does not say “if” he does this, or “if” he is a Christian, there are no conditions put on it. It is a command. Period. We are also not to be teaching men nor usurping authority. Trying to define how he is supposed to “love” us is not our place. When we set conditions like that, we are taking an authority.If we feel that our husband doesn’t really love us if he doesn’t seek our advice, we are setting standards that the Bible does not. Yes, it is nice when your husband seeks your opinion. However, HE IS NOT REQUIRED to do so. That does not mean he isn’t fulfilling his scriptural command to love us. Stop trying to define how he should carry out his duty. Let us submissively, and reverently focus on our own duty.

Our Hearts in Obedience

Obviously part of that duty is to simply obey your husband's directives. However, the most important part is carrying them out with a cheerful and submissive heart. If we obey, but our heart is not right, we are still sinning.

Examples of Godly Obedience 

I have just a couple of duties that I would like to address as they are so commonly despised. One is that we are commanded to be silent in church. How many follow this command? Not many. Much time is spent trying to argue around this command as well. Again often cultural reasons are sited for not obeying. Disobedience is still disobedience.
One could even argue that when looking up the Greek definitions of the passage that even within group of men conversing that we should keep silence. Why do most women find this to be abhorrent as a concept? Culture, feminist upbringing, desire for their own say, pride, etc. There are many reasons, we often have different ones. It doesn’t matter really. What matters is are we looking at this command through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. When that is done, you like won’t find it so awful.
I Corinthians 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.
35And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Sarah Obeyed Abraham calling him Lord 

Finally, another issue of submission within this line of thought is, “Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord”. Both men and women nearly flip their lid at the thought of a wife calling her husband Lord (or Master as an alternate translation). I don’t have to explain why people find it appalling. However, it is NOT an evil thing as many see it. It is a matter of respect and of showing due reverence to the husband. If your husband directly doesn’t want you to do that, then obey him of course. However you address him, be respectful and reverential. Remember he IS your Master/Lord. No, he is not God. No one is claiming that. It is simply title of great respect and honor. If he would desire that you call him this, don’t treat him like villain for that desire. Why not address the man you love as Master? He is the man God has put in authority over you. He is the man that God created your very life for. If it was acceptable for Sarah to do, and we are encouraged to follow her example, then we should take this to heart.
1Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

Conclusion

If you willingly and joyfully obey the scriptures in this, I believe you will likely find a joy (or healing) in your marriage you never dreamed possible. When we align our lives with the Word, this can happen and be such a profound blessing.
At one time, I struggled greatly too. I felt Paul was evil. He was simply a man of God of whom God chose to speak through. I do not believe he hated women. He just expected that they should keep their God given place in the headship order. (I Cor. 11)
If that is what God ordained, then should we not as daughters of a mighty God, simply be willing to accept our role, whatever it may be?! We should not struggle when the word is so clear!
Now all of this said, am I a perfect submitting wife that keeps silent in the appropriate times, and always addresses her husband as Master/Lord? No, I humbly and shamefully admit that I do not. I am still learning too, thus my passion for research on this topic. I am not a perfect example of how to be a wife. However, I am sincerely trying my utmost to be a biblically submissive wife. I do not have all the answers. I can only lean on God and my earthly Master to help guide me into the woman God created me to be.
Fortunately we have the Word of God to help guide us as well. I write this article as a plea for ladies to simply stop hating and ignoring what is so clearly commanded of us. Submit with a humble heart to your earthly Master, for the Lord has blessed you with him.
Blessings in Christ
Titus 2
3The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Other thoughts to leave you with.....These are definitions I looked up:

Meekness toward God is that disposition of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting. In the OT, the meek are those wholly relying on God rather than their own strength to defend against injustice. Thus, meekness toward evil people means knowing God is permitting the injuries they inflict, that He is using them to purify His elect, and that He will deliver His elect in His time (Isa 41:17, Luk 18:1-8). Gentleness or meekness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest. It stems from trust in God's goodness and control over the situation. The gentle person is not occupied with self at all. This is a work of the Holy Spirit, not of the human will (Gal 5:23).
Lord
The to whom a person or thing belongs, about which he has power of deciding; master, lord
a) the possessor and disposer of a thing
1) the owner; one who has control of the person, the master
2) in the state: the sovereign, prince, chief, the Roman emperor
b) is a title of honour expressive of respect and reverence, with which servants greet their master
c) this title is given to: God, the Messiah
Honour
valuing by which the price is fixed
a) of the price itself
b) of the price paid or received for a person or thing bought or sold
2) honour which belongs or is shown to one
a) of the honour which one has by reason of rank and state of office which he holds
b) deference, reverence

From a wonderfully Christ centered blog:

http://radicallyforjesus.blogspot.com/2012/11/a-wifes-submission-to-her-husband.html

10 WAYS A WIFE CAN INFLUENCE THE HEART OF HER HUSBAND by Jolene Engle

"I was in a room filled with women as we sat chatting about the Bible and that’s when it happened…

A woman from across the room responded to my comment when she said, “Your husband actually listens to you?” Mine doesn’t listen to me! I’ll tell him he should do certain things, but he doesn’t listen.”

I could tell based on the look in her eyes and the sadness in her voice she wished her relationship with her husband was different. But because of the setting I was in, I couldn’t exactly go into a teaching on a wife’s influence- how she could use it or how she could lose it.

Then I came home and shared the scenario with my man. I asked him some questions so I could get a better understanding of the male gender. I talked with him about influence, more specifically, what does a wife do (or not do) that stirs up the husband’s heart so she’s able to make a positive impact on his life.

“Why is it that I’m able to influence you, I asked. What are those little things I do that cause you to take note in what I say?”

And so he shared with me the following:
10 WAYS A WIFE CAN INFLUENCE THE HEART OF HER HUSBAND

1) Be a wife he can trust. Influence comes from trust and without trust, there is no influence.

2) Be kind and gracious to him. He feels welcomed by this.

3) Stand in his corner and fight with him against the world, rather than back him into a corner.

4) Every man wants a woman who is on his side when they’re in the midst of a trial. Be the kind of wife who cheers him on so he can win the battle.

5) Support him in his endeavors. By believing in him and following him, this makes him feel like he can conqueror anything.

6) Esteem him in public. There is no higher compliment in his eyes.

7) Be a safe place for him. Accept him for who he is rather than judge him for his shortcomings.

8) Let him know you’re praying for him. This shows you care about his spiritual well-being.

9) Be a passionate wife. Pursue him intimately.

10) Put him before the children. Show him you respect him by teaching your children to respect him.

Choose to be a joyful wife. Be content with life rather than gripe about life.


An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. Proverbs 12:4

An excellent wife is a wife who seeks to use her influence to bring glory to God rather than to glorify herself."

http://joleneengle.com/

(I might add...stop telling your husband how to do things...he is not your child, he is your husband. Nothing spells D-I-S-R-E-S-P-E-C-T more to a man than his wife correcting him or bossing him as if he is a brainless twit. He is your husband. And if you really think he doesn't know how to do anything, or that he doesn't make good decisions...remember...he chose you. What would that make YOU? ;-) )~BIHP

Allowing Our Husbands To Lead {Without Our Help}

Very good! Reblogged from Unveiled Wife. 

I had been a Christian for five years when I married my Christian husband in late 2004. We had met two years prior while volunteering at our church and he first held my hand when we were on a mission trip to Cuba. We prayed, worshiped, studied the Word, and served others together on a regular basis.

Our faith was the foundation of our friendship and the support beams of our relationship. It felt only natural to craft our wedding ceremony to be more about Christ than about us.

Perhaps it was my youthful aspirations (I was only 22 at the time), but I talked about what a joy it would be to submit to my Christ-like husband. I had high unrealistic expectations of how he would lead our family. I envisioned him stoping us throughout the day to pray together and I counted on him solely to come up with devotions for our family. I imagined that it would be natural for him to serve me joyfully and provide for us cheerfully as he led our family on whatever grand adventures awaited us. I expected Jason to not merely fight his own flesh, but win each and every battle since, after all, he was the spiritual head of our house.

As I write this today, my heart breaks for my husband and the enormous pressure I put him under in the early years of our marriage. I expected him to be perfect and each time he didn’t live up to my definition of a “spiritual leader,” I sulked rather than encouraged. I judged rather than prayed. Over time, and through the wise words of others, I began to show my husband grace (The same grace he has faithfully shown me since day one of our marriage).

I thought I had matured past the struggle of having unmet unrealistic expectations for my husband, but a conversation I had with a friend last week revealed otherwise. As all seven of our children romped around her basement, the two of us discussed how to thrive in a marriage when the husband and wife have conflicting visions for their family’s future. I shared our own lack of unity, but concluded by stating, 

My husband is a great leader … even if he isn’t leading the way I want him to.

My purpose behind the statement was to say something positive about my husband.To honor him in my speech even if I disagree with some of his decisions. Yet, on my drive home I began dissecting the statement above. Memories of those early years of marriage, when I was more critical than compassionate, came flooding back. I began to realize I had not rid myself of those gnarly expectations after all! I expected my husband to lead our family the way I wanted him to and because he wasn’t currently doing that, I was struggling to support his decisions. My mind began to wander:

What Would It Look Like If My Husband Led Our Family The Way I Wanted Him To?

Before I could image the answer, the Lord interrupted my thoughts. He said,

If your husband led your family the way you want him to… Wouldn’t it really be YOU who were leading the family?!

I mulled over that thought for almost 24 hours before conviction fell. I am blessed to be married to man who walks with the Lord, and yet I can get caught up in how my husband is, or is not, living up to the standards I have set for him. If he comes to a decision that differs from my own, or he reaches the same conclusion only he has processed his decision differently, I pridefully presume my way is better, my decision is better, and thus I accuse him of not leading the way I desire.

Here’s The Thing: I’m Not The Leader.

But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man… ~ 1 Corinthians 11:3

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. ~ Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands… ~ 1 Peter 3:1-2,5 

Regardless of my thoughts concerning my husband’s leadership, the truth remains that I am not the one ordained to be in charge. God intentionally placed husbands as the head of the house and it is no accident that I was created a woman! My contribution to my family is not found in my attempts to lead nor in persuading my husband to do things “my way.” I glorify God when I step aside and allow the Holy Spirit to lead, convict, and inspire my husband. Submitting to my husband as he leads me, in his own way, is what will demonstrate the amazing relationship between Christ and the Church to a lost and hurting world.

Do you struggle with allowing your husband to lead in his own way?

Will you join me in stepping aside to allow our husbands to truly lead? 

http://unveiledwife.com/