God's Creation of Marriage

God will not protect you from anything that will make you more like Jesus.~Elisabeth Elliot 

Excerpted from Let Me Be a Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot:

* One thing that makes a marriage work is the acceptance of a divine order. Either there is an order or there is not, and if there is one which is violated disorder is the result - disorder on the deepest level of the personality.

* He (Jesus) could do that (washing the disciples' feet) because He knew who He was and whose He was. He could also face the events of the coming night and day. It was not weakness which enabled him to become a slave. It was not resignation that took Him to Calvary. He has both accepted and willed the Father's will.

* You and I can be steadied, directed, and held by the knowledge of where we came from and where we are going. To know that the whole world moves in harmony at God's bidding is wonderfully stabilizing.

* Men and women are equal, we may say, in having been created by God. Both male and female are created in His image. They bear the divine stamp. They are equally called to obedience and responsibility, but there are difference in the responsibilities. Both Adam and Eve sinned and are equally guilty. Therefore both are equally the objects of God's grace.

* The statement "All men are created equal" is a political one, referring to a single quality for a single purpose. C. S. Lewis called this a "legal fiction," useful, necessary, but not by any means always desirable. Marriage is a place where it doesn't belong at all. Marriage is not a political arena. it is a union of two opposites. It is a confusion to speak of "separate but equal," or "opposite but equal" in referring to this unique union of two people who have become, because they were made different in order that they might thus become, one flesh.

* Our joy is in the very discipline of the thing. The discipline doesn't stifle, it gives power, it makes beauty possible.

* Servants are to submit to their masters, whether they are good or bad, for Christ suffered unjustly and it is His example they are exhorted to follow. Married women are to adapt themselves to their husbands, following the example of Sarah who obeyed Abraham. Husbands are to "try to understand" their wives, honoring them as physically weaker, yet "equally heirs with you of the grace of life."

* Marriage is not a fifty-fifty proposition. As soon as it is thought of as such it becomes a power struggle, with picayune scorekeeping to make sure one doesn't outdo the other.

* Your equalities have been delineated: equally sinners, equally responsible, equally in need of grace, and equally the objects of that grace. That's where the fifty-fifty matter ends. You take up life as husband and wife and you start laying down your lives - not as martyrs, not as doormats or ascetics making a special bid for sainthood, but as two lovers who have needed and received grace, and who know very well that they are going to keep on needing and receiving it every day that they live together.

* Household justice was based on household authority. In marriage, if two mature people love each other, this whole matter of authority is almost entirely a tacit understanding. Remember that lines have been drawn - not by my husband, but by God. I was the one originally created to be a help, not an antagonist.

* Marriage is a union. It takes two to make a union. One cannot do it. When God created man, He saw that it was not good for him to be alone, and He created a woman from and for him, specifically designed to help him, to be suitable for him, to be his mate. The woman is totally other, totally different, totally God's gift to man, and each stands in relation to the other, responsible to the other in obedience to the command of God, responsible to be a man or a woman, and, in marriage, to unite as one flesh. It is for this reason that a man leaves his parents. He forsakes all other ties in the flesh in order to establish this most intimate one of all, the only one which is a perfect union of one flesh.

* There is no competition in a union. ... Each is for the other, pulling with and not against him.

* So there is union in marriage, two separate persons made one in the flesh, and, if they are Christians, one in Christ, subject to His headship. If they are one in Christ, they have not only union but communion, and this is a priceless thing.

* Marriage turns out to be mirror. Each reflects the other, which is bound to be in some degree painful, for none of us can bear too much reality at once.

* Marriage is for most people the first experience in adulthood of common life - of the daily, ordinary, humble doing of duties in close contact with and mutual dependence on another person. Few have had to take responsibility on a day-to-day basis until they marry.

* Acceptance of the divinely ordered hierarchy means acceptance of authority - first of all, God's authority and then those lesser authorities which He has ordained. A husband and wife are both under God, but their positions are not the same. A wife is to submit herself to her husband. The husband's "rank" is given to him by God, as the angels' and animals' ranks are assigned, not chosen or earned. The mature man acknowledges that he did not earn or deserve his place by superior intelligence, virtue, strength, or amiability. The mature woman acknowledges that submission is the will of God for her, and obedience to this will is no more a sign of weakness in her than it was in the Son of Man when He said, "Lo, I come - to do Thy will, O God."

* Submission for the Lord's sake does not amount to servility. It does not lead to self-destruction, the stifling of gifts, personhood, intelligence and spirit.

* God is not asking anybody to become a zero. What was the design of the Creator in everything that He made? He wanted it to be good, that is, perfect, precisely what He meant, free in its being the thing He intended it to be. When He commanded Adam to "subdue" and "have dominion over" the earth He was not commanding him to destroy its meaning or existence. He was, we may say, "orchestrating," giving the lead to one, subduing another, to produce a full harmony for His glory.

* But we have a loving God who arranged things not only for our "best interests" (we're not always eager to have what is "for our own good") but for freedom and for joy.

* And it is the will of God that woman be subordinate to man in marriage. Marriage is used in the Old Testament to express the relation between God and his covenant people and in the New Testament between Christ and the Church. No effort to keep up with the times, to conform to modern social movements or personality cults authorizes us to invert this order. Tremendous heavenly truths are set forth in a wife's subjection to her husband, and the use of this metaphor in the Bible cannot be accidental.

* Husbands, who are to initiate, command, and dominate, are specially commanded to love their wives. It is no ordinary kind of love that it is meant here. They are to love them in two ways - first, ... means self-giving. No man who sets this as the first principle will initiate, command, and dominate in a self-aggrandizing way. His acceptance of the authority God has given him is his obedience to God. His acceptance of the way that authority is to be exercised will prove his love for the woman. Second, he is to love his wife "as his own body," which means he is to nourish and cherish her. ... a nourishing and cherishing love, a love that takes responsibility for the care of her.

* As man's power over woman is restrained by love, woman's power over man is restrained by the command to submit. Any woman knows that she has ways of getting her own way. It is not physical strength that is most powerful. It is not the ability to deal with high-level abstractions. She may be as intelligent as or more intelligent than her husband, she may be more gifted than he is. Whether this is the case or not, she also has "wiles," emotional power, and she has sexual power. These must be restrained. The kind of restraint God asks of her is submission.

* John Calvin wrote, "God is the source of both sexes and hence both of them ought with humility to accept and maintain the condition which the LORD has assigned to them. Let the man exercise his authority with moderation ... Let the woman be satisfied with her state of subjection ... otherwise both of them throw off the yoke of God who has not without good reason appointed this distinction of ranks."

* It is impossible for love not to give, and that giving often means giving over one's own preferences. The husband is not in such a case knowledging his wife's authority. He is laying down his life.

Good place to start. Let's all think on these things and pray about their truth according to the word of God....and meet back here.

A LETTER TO THE BRIDE

This is an excellent article on biblical marriage. How a wife is to live within that marriage, how she can build up or tear down her husband, etc. Just excellent. While written to brides, we are all still brides, and in that God grants us a new day, if we have lived wrongly within our marriages, today we can start afresh as a new bride...Christ's Bride....and a woman worth more than rubies to her husband...to her Husband...be encouraged!~BIHP<3

What does a newly married couple need? What do I wish I had when we started our life together? As I looked back on various scenes from my marriage throughout the years, I discovered several life lessons. Here is my letter to the bride.

One Flesh

Today you are entering into a new life. Although some mistakenly consider marriage to be simply a legal technicality, the reality is that God is joining you to your husband today. From now on, you will no longer be two, but one. When you enter the covenant of marriage, you agree to no longer be “me” but “we.” A marriage is not a joining of two separate worlds, but an abandonment of the first world in order to create a new one. When we get married, we make a serious commitment before God, family, and friends.

Inevitable Challenges

I remember the excitement of planning my wedding and feeling that Jay and I could conquer the world. We were so in love that we never thought divorce would ever be an option. But once our dreams of “living happily ever after” were thrown against the hard walls of reality, we came to a point where we thought our relationship was dead. We didn’t feel close. We didn’t enjoy being together. I had always thought our marriage would be different. But without realizing it, we were arguing about things, and bickering became our regular habit every weekend.

My Testimony

After years of fighting, one Sunday morning during an argument, Jay said, “We’re going to church!” I started to see red as I felt the heat rush to my face. “Oh no we’re not! Go ahead! You’re the one who needs it!” I yelled. Immediately, the thought came to my head, “I have to go to church to save my marriage. There are no other options.” And I decided to go, thinking that if I didn’t like it, I would simply never go back.

I walked into the church with sweaty palms and pounding heart. The rhythm of the music caught my attention. Everyone was singing and clapping. So much joy and love radiated through that place. Looking around, I saw genuine adoration on the faces of people singing to God. During the worship, I started to cry. I felt the pain not only in my marriage, but deep down in my soul. I hoped no one noticed as I wiped away my tears. But one of the church members saw my pain and gently hugged me. I realized that it was okay to cry.

That day, I made the decision to give my life over to God. Jay and I have experienced tremendous healing in our marriage as a result.

Power in the Word of God

I realized how powerful and real God is once we receive Him into our lives. I started to read the Bible searching for answers to life’s questions and looking for peace in my life. In the past, the Bible was difficult for me to understand. But once I surrendered my life over to God, I discovered that the Bible contains tremendous truth that I could apply to my life and gives me power to overcome issues.

Marriage was God’s idea, and His blueprint for marriage is the marriage that works. Happily married couples are rare today in our society of quick and easy divorce, but God’s way of doing marriage is so fulfilling. Once I started applying these truths to my marriage, I began to experience the healing power of God. Only God can reach down and heal the deepest of hurts.

Submissiveness

Submissiveness is an idea that I struggled with as a newly married woman. I used to think that a submissive wife did not have control over her own life; she was a weak woman who could not stand up for herself. That type of worldly thinking is what got me into trouble and took me further from Jay. It didn’t result in the closeness that I longed for. By trying to “assert” myself to avoid letting Jay take advantage of me, I was constantly on the defensive. But what I was doing was pushing him away and not allowing him to truly love me. The independence that I was striving for tore apart our oneness as a couple.

I have learned to make Jay more of a priority. A good wife esteems and respects her husband and doesn’t put herself first. I know that sounds totally opposite from our culture’s view that we should “stand up for ourselves” and “not let anyone take advantage of us.” But God works everything out for the good of those who love Him, and true joy and peace occur when we allow ourselves to love unselfishly. Women who serve their husbands do it because they love him and it increases the love in their marriage. If I strive to be the woman that God intended me to be, I will only be helping my marriage.

How to Love Like God Loves

I am learning to love my husband the way that God loves us. God’s love for us is not based on our performance. It is unconditional. A marriage in which each person loves the other biblically creates the most fulfilling marriage one can experience. In the Bible, “love” is a purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another. Powerful emotions may accompany biblical love, but it is the commitment of the will that holds love steadfast. Emotions may change, but a commitment to love each other the way God loves us is what makes a marriage thrive.

Of course this is easier said than done in the heat of conflict. Whenever I get angry, I want to tear Jay down with my words. But if I give in to that action, I would not be loving him biblically. Over the years I have learned that my words can tear him down or build him up. The only way to really have peace in the house is to use my words for good and to have a forgiving heart.

Selfishness

One thing that destroys a relationship is selfishness. I make it a point to go about my day with Jay’s needs in mind instead of selfishly taking care of my own needs. Everyone has a natural tendency to be self-centered. “All of us have strayed away like sheep. We have left God’s paths to follow our own” (Isaiah 53:6). Our culture promotes and encourages selfishness. Over time this will rob the relationship of its romance. My selfish nature focuses on and becomes critical of my mate’s weaknesses or failures. My expressions of disappointment result in his feelings of rejection and even more failure. It’s a vicious cycle. This is what was happening in my marriage, and I didn’t even know it.

Commitment

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word” (Ephesians 5:25-26 NLT.)

The Bible is full of wisdom for conducting healthy relationships. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22 ESV). “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers” (1 John 3:16 ESV). “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39 ESV).

One of the most difficult relationships to maintain is the marital relationship. Your spouse is the closest person to you. He knows you better than anyone else and can push your buttons like no one else. Other relationships can be scaled back when times get tough, but it is the marital relationship that requires the most work in order for the relationship to nourish both parties.

There is a parallel found in the Bible between the human marital relationship and the relationship between Christ and His people. In the verses above, husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved us.

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 ESV). While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Notice that Christ did not look at our behavior to decide whether or not we deserved salvation. He made a commitment to us that he could not take back. His act of love was not based on our performance. He was totally committed.

We need that same level of commitment to our marriage that Christ has for us! When you stand in front your friends and family today, it will be very easy for you both to say that you take each other “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

Sadly, when the going gets tough, many married couples start to question whether the relationship brings them personal happiness. When I hear this, it makes me wonder what happened to the level of commitment that was displayed on the wedding day.

What if Christ had the same level of commitment that some of us do in our marriages? Would he decide to lay down his life for us? Thankfully, he was committed to us all the way.

The best marriages are those in which each person commits to being the best husband or wife they can regardless of the behavior of the other. When I was having marital problems, God showed me that if I would decide to be committed to this marriage and do the hard work that is necessary to make a marriage work, God would give me the strength I needed to do it. And God has been faithful.

I pray that you will say your vows today with the understanding that you are making an undying commitment that will result in a long-lasting marriage that will withstand the test of time.

Now that your wedding day is finally here, you are ready to enter a new phase of life. You will make mistakes, but God is faithful to get you through the hard times. I encourage you to seek His guidance in how to be the wife He wants you to be. I pray that your marriage will be blessed with peace, fulfillment, and joy in the years to come. Congratulations and best wishes to you as you become a wife!

http://encouragementfromtheword.com/2014/12/12/a-letter-to-the-bride/

How to Think Biblically~Martha Peace

How to Think Biblically, A Seminar for Ladies
By Martha Peace

Audio link:
http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=123101234203

PDF:

http://media.sermonaudio.com/mediapdf/123101234203.pdf

Responding to Manipulation~Martha Peace

Great teaching from Martha Peace via Sermon Audio...enjoy...take notes! :-)



http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=123101531315

What to do in Cases of Abuse or Emotional Turmoil

"When I teach women to win their husbands without a word as the Bible commands, I am not saying to not confront them with their sin or that a woman should take abuse. There are many women who don't even believe I should be teaching that a wife should be submissive to her husband for fear of abuse by the husband or they want me to change the word submission to a more palatable word.

Many times when I write about submission, abuse will come up in the comment section. I don't think many of these comments are valid and honest comments; the commenters just want to get the readers off track to what I am teaching and say abuse always happens when a wife submits. NOT SO!!! I have seen and heard of too many marriages completely turn around when a wife learns what submission is and what it looks like. 

Anyways, to clear the air on my thoughts about abuse,Cabinetman responded to one of these discussions going on about abuse and wrote up a great post giving clear guidelines for any wife that is being physically abused or is even emotionally distraught over her marriage ~

1. Get someone else involved: Pastor, elders, etc. There are times when a man is not well mentally and/or spiritually where help is needed. It's okay to seek that help when a husband is not in his right mind or spirit and is very far down that road. There are times where disobedience to anyone who is not Jesus Christ may be necessary if the circumstances call for it.

2. If you are scared for your children or yourself, you need to leave and separate for awhile. Separation doesn't necessarily {hopefully} mean divorce. Understand that if he is truly abusive this can be a dangerous time and this needs to be done carefully and with wisdom. You need to have a plan and execute it quickly and quietly. If you do not know what I am speaking about please research this before you take that step {carefully research}. 

3. Walk your husband through the steps in Matthew 18. I applaud you for seeking to win your husband without a word. I understand that some human hearts are very hard and this can take years and even decades. Men need to deal with their sin and be brought to repentance This can still be done in a respectful way and done in love ~ although it may seem harsh at the time. There are times when a husband who is to lead his family and actions might seem unloving or harsh for a period of time when circumstances or sin pops up. But a husband's primary responsibility is to love his wife sacrificially and serve her and when she is trying to respect him, that should be the overwhelming response she is getting from him. If it is not, he is in serious sin.

4. If there is physical abuse, it is not only okay to involve law enforcement, but often necessary to involve law enforcement.

I hear day and night of "verbal abuse" from women when it clearly is not. There are also always two sides to every story. But, if there is something seriously wrong with your husband and in your marriage relationship, you need to seek help. The best healing and medicine for that is Jesus Christ and obedience to His Word. I'm a big believer in marriage that lasts forever and honors God and in the roles the Lord lays out in scripture. But scripture has more to it than those verses on marriage and a wife winning her husband, however powerfully, true and life giving they are.

Continue to pray for the man. But sometimes the best way we can respect and love someone is to call them on their sin and force them to deal with it- whether man or woman."

My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

James 5:19,20

http://www.lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/10/what-to-do-in-cases-of-abuse-or.html

Creating a Godly Atmosphere in the Home

"She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness"~Proverbs 31:27

"If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" We smile as we read the plaque in the novelty store. But our smile quickly turns to a frown if truly "Mama ain't happy." This is because the wife and mother in a family often "sets the tone" in the home. The "tone" God wants her to set is one of joy, optimism, and a delight in the Lord and in her family. Most assuredly she "smiles at the future" (Proverbs 31:25)

If your family were called upon to describe you, what would they say? Would they report that you are a godly, Christian woman who loves life and loves her Lord? Or would they report that you are an unhappy, complaining, bitter woman?

If you do not have the "joy of the Lord" (Nehemiah 8:10), you can begin now to cultivate a joyful attitude. Find scriptures that point to the goodness and the works of God. Think about what the scriptures mean and how you could actually incorporate them into your life. Meditate on them so often that you commit them to memory. Actually "[sing] with thankfulness in your heart to God" as you go about your daily chores (Colossians 3:16).  Smile and share with other family members what wonderful things God has done for you and for them that very day.~Martha Peace

THE GRACE CHALLENGE: GRACE IN YOUR MARRIAGE

This is from a sister's blog that is one of my favorites. May we all take this to heart. I know for myself, it is all too easy to see the speck in my husband's eye and bump smack into a wall because of the plank in my own. I'm praying that I along with all my sisters who love the Lord will save our husbands grief and stop doing this, while we save ourselves some really banged up noses and black eyes from all that plank smacking. <3~BIHP

One would think that a gracious woman would be the kind of person to write a series called, The Grace Challenge, right?  Yeah, I’d think that, too, but, instead you get me.  Quite frankly, I’m the last person on earth that should be writing this series because I don’t feel qualified to do so!  I know me, and I know I’m not gracious enough because sin abounds in this heart of mine.

My husband asked me a few weeks back what project I was working on for the blog, so I told him about this series.  Initially, he thought I was collaborating with other bloggers on this project because he didn’t understand why I was doing this.  I told him this series was something I was doing on my own for the next several weeks, and then he asked me why.

My response:  God was nudging me to write it.  Then I proceeded to tell my husband that I’m not capable of writing this series because I don’t feel like I extend enough grace toward others and that God should have chosen a different woman to write this series- you know, one who is gracious. 

I love my husband’s response.  “It wouldn’t be called a ‘challenge’ if grace was easy for you to extend.”

Point well taken.

So, friend of mine, I’ll be challenged with you in this series which means we’ll both be convicted together.  When the Holy Spirit convicts us and we chose to surrender our ways for the Lord’s ways, then transformation takes place within our hearts.  This transformation process causes us to be changed women.  Gracious women.  Women who reflect their Savior.  That sounds like a wonderful pursuit, doesn’t it?  Sure, it will hurt our flesh because we’ll have to die to ourselves, but the by-product is absolutely glorious.

In last week’s post I wrote about The 7 Truths You Need to Know About God’s Grace.  If you haven’t read it yet, please do so because it’s the foundation this series is built on.

We can’t call ourselves Christ-followers if we’re not gracious.  Every person falls short of perfection and we see each others shortcomings and failures most in a marriage, after all, we’re married to a sinner.  Because of this truth, don’t you think we should be most gracious to our husbands?   Our men live with us on a daily basis, therefore, they see our failures and shortcomings, too.

The longer you’ve been married, I’m sure you’ve experienced any number of the following…

• Disappointments?
• Trials?
• Bad choices made?
• Grudges held?
• Disrespect?
• Bitterness taking root?
• Walls that have been built?
• Complacency?
• Or dare I say, a marriage devoid of marital intimacy?

A great marriage takes work and an abundance of grace. Grace is what sets our marriages apart from the world’s type of marriage.

God meant for the union of marriage to be a good thing but some times we don’t know how to handle the strains and pressures of life.  When the disappointments, storms, and even the mundane sweep through our homes, sometimes we just don’t know what to do.  Our human nature is to place blame and lash out and this attitude is generally dished out to our husbands.  But this is not how God wants it.

The crux of the Gospel message is Grace, therefore, let’s follow that example so we can change our ways.

Grace is for the sinner, the one who messes up and falls short.  This describes every person I know. 

Jesus doesn’t ask us to be perfect, He asks us to follow Him.  There’s a difference between pursuing Him and perfection.

Which standard do you hold your husband to?

Which standard would you like him to hold you to?

There have been times in my marriage where I’ve held my husband to a higher standard than what I’ve held myself to, therefore, I acted like a hypocrite.

There’s no room for hypocrisy to be a part of our marital union.  The minute we allow, accept, and embrace this sin into our marriage, we might as well just open up our front door and invite the Enemy in for tea and crumpets.

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?  “Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye?  “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.  Matt. 7:3-5

 CHALLENGE:

Be the kind of wife who chooses grace over hypocrisy.

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9(NLT)

Note:  You might not know when to extend God’s grace and when to set a boundary in your marriage, so I’ve written this section to help you discern a few things.

Grace and Truth

Grace is extended when the heart attitude of a person is repentant.  For example, Jesus knew the heart of the woman who was caught in the act of adultery and then He said to her, “Go and sin no more.”  John 8:11 He was gracious to this woman as He offered her grace for her actions.

Jesus also knew the motives of the Pharisees.  He knew their hearts were hardened towards Him and because of this, He didn’t extend them grace for their actions and attitudes.

If you’re married to a man who is living a life of habitual, unrepentant sin, read this post for more guidance.

If you’re growing weary because you’re living in a difficult marriage,  read this post.

 “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  John 8:7

Join me every Wednesday as I go through the Grace Challenge series!

http://joleneengle.com/grace-challenge-grace-marriage/

Homecoming for Husbands

The Homecoming by Jennie Brownescombe

We had a long and hard day. The children are fussy, our head aches and the house is untidy. Your husband will be home in a few hours from work and who knows what you'll eat for dinner.

How will he be greeted?

We as wives always want to feel special and adored, but are we making our husbands feel loved and cherished as well? Are we greeting him each day like an encouraging "help meet" or a "hinder meet"? Do we build up our homes or are we tearing them down with our whining ways the minute he steps through the door?

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife."

 ~ Proverbs 21:19

Make your home a haven where your husband feels the pressures from the world melt from his shoulders! Let peace, love and order reign when that front door opens. Let him not dread his one and only domain! Sadly, many women complain that their husbands have so many hobbies that keep them from the home, in some cases it may have been the unpleasant homecomings that helped to create it.

I noticed that the more I give in my marriage, the more affection, love, and consideration is returned. It took me time to figure that out! I expected so much and one day realized that I was doing so little!

"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." 

~ Proverbs 14:1

Pray for wisdom, self control and tenderness when you greet your loved one as both of you may have had a long and hard day. Your actions can either make or break the rest of the evening for your entire family. The homecoming sets the mood in many a house. Your children are watching. How is mama treating their father? Make it a point to give the sweetest greeting you can when he walks through that door and watch the blessings of peace shower down into your home. Once he is nice and comfortable, I am sure he will take the time to make sure that the love of his life is well cared for too.

"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown…"

~ Proverbs 12:4

Reblogged from Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth...

http://strangersandpilgrimsonearth.blogspot.com/

Taking advantage of grace

It was a beautiful day to be at the art show. My eyes took in the creativity around me. There were simple folk-art items and detailed oil paintings. There were homemade handbags and clever metal sculptures. But it was the exquisitely crafted jewelry that caught my eye and drew me into the booths. I am always looking for the “perfect” pair of earrings. I never find them, but I keep looking. It was at just one such booth that I found myself having a pleasant conversation with the artist and her husband. Her work was beautiful but very expensive. I browsed with no intent to buy. I complimented her on her talent. The conversation went something like this–

Me: “Your work is beautiful.”

Artist: “Thank you!”

Man (with friendly smile): “You are welcome to try on any piece.”

Me (laughing): “Oh, my. Thank you but my husband would kill me if I spent that much on a piece of jewelry!” (I was slightly exaggerating with this statement).

Man (half-joking): “Well, you do know it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.”

Me (still laughing but very serious): “Not if you want a happy marriage.”

After a bit more banter, I walked away. But I couldn’t help thinking more on his joke about how to get my own way.

I could have bought a piece of that lovely jewelry. My husband, while he would have been a bit upset with me, would have quickly gotten over it. It would not have destroyed our marriage and probably would not have even destroyed our day. But I love him more than that. I want his permission and his blessing and I seek both before spending a large amount of money. He does the same with me. We do this because we love each other.

As I mulled this conversation over in my mind a few hours later, a light bulb came on in my head.

We do this with God all the time.

We want our own way. And, yet, we know in scripture that what we want is forbidden. We know God has either expressly forbidden the exact action or that He hates the sin that is associated with the particular activity we would like to participate in. But we go ahead and do it, anyway.

Because it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

We can get our own way, be forgiven, and we honestly believe that all is well.

But is it?

If I would have bought that necklace against my husband’s wishes, it would have symbolized that something is not quite right in our relationship. It would have been a sign that I consider my wants and desires more important than his. And I would have been taking advantage of the grace and forgiveness I knew that he would have extended under the circumstances.

This same principle can be applied to our relationship with Christ. When we involve ourselves in sin of any kind on purpose, we are telling Christ that we don’t care about his desires. We are saying that our desires are number one. And we are taking advantage of his grace and forgiveness.

But let’s not forget: True love does not take advantage.

You know, according to the modern church, many things fall under the “gray” area in the Christian life today. Movies, music, dancing, gambling, personal debt, and drinking are some of the many things that fall under the wide, expansive “gray” area that is “permissible for some Christians but not for others.”

But is there actually this big “gray” area or is there simply a church taking advantage of God’s grace? A bunch of people who say they love Christ with their mouths but it never quite reaches their hearts?

I am reminded of something I read the other day–

“It is amazing how clear lifestyle issues–often called gray areas by many believers–become when examined against the commitment to be thoroughly Christ-centered.” (Jim Berg)

Love and commitment truly do bring clarity to these areas of our lives. We either show our love for our Savior with our choices or we don’t. There isn’t much in between.

And if we all are honest with ourselves, we know whether or not the TV show we watched last night or the music that we listened to on the way to work or the book we finished last night was pleasing to God. We know if the words we spoke to our spouse before they left this morning or the way we handled the accidentally spilled juice last night was pleasing to Him. We know if what we ate, drank, and played yesterday was glorifying to God or it wasn’t.

Oh, we will never be sinless and we will constantly be confessing and asking for forgiveness. And God’s marvelous grace is available for those moments. But as we grow in Christ, our desire to willingly do something that we know will not please Him should grow weaker and weaker. Our desire for sin will diminish as our love for Him grows.

Our choices are the evidence of just how close our relationship is with the Savior. But most Christians today are not interested in hearing this. Instead, we want to do our own thing and be forgiven for it. We want to take advantage of grace. When you really stop to think about it, that is a pretty tragic thought.

Yes, it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask permission but that is not love.

 Great blog...check it out! http://growing4life.net/

Finding Happiness in Your Husband

She tells me she is "so unhappy" and tells me she wonders why she ever married her husband. I explain to her, "You will never find your happiness in a man. Let me repeat myself. You will NEVER find happiness in a man." If you marry a man to be happy, you will be disappointed. He will disappoint you. He will never be able to live up to your expectations. NEVER.

Your happiness in marriage is not important to the Lord. Your obedience is what matters to Him. He commands that you be a vow keeper. He commands that you LOVE your husband, please him, serve him, obey him, and submit to him. Your happiness is NOT what matters to the Lord. Spreading the Gospel is what He cares about.

When you are loving and serving your husband, the world notices. If your husband isn't "Mr. Perfect" and you still love and serve him, the world wonders why you stay with him, but they will respect you. As you live with your husband in a joyful way, regardless of the circumstances, the world will see Jesus.

The world needs to see Jesus. The world is lost and floundering in the dark. They need lights that live out the Christian life. They need to see wives loving their husbands through good times and bad times, through sickness and health, though rich or poor. They need models of Christ's power working through His people or else how will the world see Jesus?

Yes, you may not have any more "feelings" for your husband. So what? Feelings come and go for everyone. Love is a decision. It is a commitment. It is a "death until we part" vow. Yes, it's hard but the narrow road isn't called "narrow" for no reason. It's a lot easier to jump on that worldly broad path that leads to destruction than to stay on the narrow road of God's Truth BUT along this narrow road is Life, abundant and free.

Sure it's hard to smile at your husband when he acts like a jerk, but I bet you act like one at times also. Even if you don't, we should still smile and love for love forgives easily and is not easily offended. {Meditate on I Corinthians 13}

If you are having a hard time in your marriage, go on long walks {take the children if you have them} and get in the fresh air and sunshine. Stop eating sugar. It causes depression and lots of other bad things. Fill your home with God-honoring music and solid Bible believing sermons. Spend time in the Word and read it to your children. Stop watching trash television and movies. In this way, you are sanctifying your family with Jesus.

You can stay married to this man all the days of your life for with God ALL things are possible. Love him, even when he is unlovable. Respect him, even when he is not worthy of respect for this pleases God and when you live to please God, you will reap beautiful fruit.

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking

 but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Romans 14:7

Reblogged from Always Learning:

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/10/finding-happiness-in-your-husband.html

The Feminine Wife

Reblogged from Yes They're All Ours... :-)

I'm so glad you've joined me as we focus on strengthening and promoting godly marriages, both in our nation and in our own backyards. 

(Since the beginning of the year) we've been looking at the characteristics of the godly wife. Today I want to take at look at the feminine wife. 

Due to the overwhleming influence of the feminist movement on modern culture, we have almost totally lost the concept of femininity.  We now live in a unisex culture where clothing, roles, and even marital partners are seen as interchangeable.  

However, God, in His infinite wisdom, created mankind as male and female.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created He them."  ~ Genesis 1:27

"And God saw every thing that he had made, and behold, it was very good."  ~ Genesis 1:31

Masculinity and femininity are good and normal and right.  They are designed by God and reflect the full spectrum of His characteristics, while a unisex society of interchangeable genders is a perversion of God's design.

As we've already discussed here in previous weeks, the quickest way to a man's heart is to respect and admire his masculine qualities.  While it may be popular to do so, criticizing, ridiculing, or teasing our man in the sensitive area of his manliness is the quickest way to destroy our relationship!  Men are vulnerable when it comes to their masculinity, and nothing makes them feel more masculine than being appreciated and admired by a feminine woman!

In spite of our current cultural conditioning, most men are naturally drawn to feminine women.  When women are feminine, and somewhat vulnerable and fragile, it tends to encourage the protective side of men.  (This is something that needs much encouragement in this day of violent, irresponsible men!) 

Deep down inside, most women still desire to be wildly loved and cherished by the man of their dreams. All but hard-core feminists still find it desirable to be treasured by and spoiled by a man that they love.  

Sadly, women have been conditioned by society to believe and communicate (both verbally and nonverbally) that they don't need a man and that they are better than the poor male "species" in every way. They are encouraged to be tough and independent and self-sufficient. What this has done is taken away the incentive that men once had to overcome their base tendencies to use women for their own desires and to be lazy and self-serving by rising up and protecting and providing for a woman and her children.

Caution: Don't take my words too far to an extreme -- I'm not saying that women should be totally subservient and dependent on men.  There is certainly a healthy degree of competence and independence for women to have. But, our culture has obvioulsy let the pendulum swing way too far in the opposite direction!  When women are feminine and somewhat vulnerable and fragile, they tend to encourage the protective side of men.

Unfortunately, most women have been so brainwashed and conditioned by the feminist agenda, that we don't even know what it means to be feminine and we may even bristle at the thought of developing some feminine qualities that were standard in times past!!

What are some feminine qualities that men find attractive and desirable in women?  Generally speaking, men are attracted to:

• long, flowing hair
• natural looking make up and hair colors
• soft, feminine clothing
• soft, nicely manicured hands
• sweetness and innocence 
• carefree charm
• a sunny disposition
• tenderness
• gentleness
• gracefulness
• womanly figure with feminine curves 
• gentle, kind speech 

Some "masculine" traits to avoid:

• ultra-short manly haircut
• rough hands with chewed fingernails
• tailored, masculine clothing styles
• sloppy "sweats" and t-shirts
• unkempt, slovenly appearance
• sitting and standing like a man
• rough, coarse language
• telling dirty jokes
• smoking
• overly loud, boisterous voice or laugh
• speaking harshly or with excessive sarcasm
• excessively thin or excessively heavy body

It is so easy to fall into the habit of doing what is easy or comfortable and neglecting our appearance, and yet, our husbands do like to take pride in their wives' appearance and femininity.  We should do what we can to be attractive for our husbands and to dress and wear our hair and carry ourselves in a way that pleases them. Generally, we choose our clothes and hairstyles based on what pleases ourselves or our girl friends.  How often do we consult our husbands about such matters??  And, if we ask them, are they afraid to tell us the truth because we will react violently??  We may argue that what our husbands like isn't "fashionable".  I don't think most men care that much about the latest fashion trends, but they do care about how we dress and carry ourselves.  Do we care enough to find out what they really think??

Homework Assignment:  Are you up for some homework?  Your assignment for this week, if you choose to accept it, is to ask you husband to tell you honestly how he likes you to wear your hair, and what clothing styles he likes, etc. You must promise yourself ahead of time that you won't argue with what he tells you!  Have some ducktape handy, if need be, but don't react to what he tells you!  Just listen and apply your new found knowledge!  
http://www.yestheyareallours.com/